So it’s been almost 1 week since I got home from Macedonia where my boyfriend lives. It was the first time that I had ever visited his home country - although I have met him before in Germany. Right now, things are really hard. I have always felt that me and N have this really special CONNECTION and after our second meeting it feels stronger than ever before, now it feels like I KNOW that I don’t want to physically live my life without him, I want him here. Or me there. Or US ANYWHERE. I just need him near - I know everyone in a LDR experiences these exact same emotions that I am having, but this just feels so difficult. IT MAKES ME WANT TO JUST SHRIEK AND CRY AND THROW THINGS!!.. why is life so unfair???! i do realise that I probably sound like a miserable child presently but I DONT CARE. There’s only one thing thats going to make me happy right now and thats him. I just want him CLOSE to me. I just want to hug him so so tightly and breathe in his smell and hear his accented voice telling me that he loves me and that everything is going to be ok. But I don’t think I can have that for a while.. 3 months at the very very very soonest, and that wouldn’t be permanent. I want the day to arrive when goodbyes do not exist and I can wake him up in the morning with my kisses and spend the morning in his arms and just not have to worry. I WISH ALL MY DAYS WITH HIM COULD BE LIKE A TYPICAL SUNDAY MORNING. HAPPY AND CAREFREE. I have overused the words WANT and WISH throughout this rambeling and I know that none of those can come true until after 4 years.. 4 years of university and then after than me and him can be anything and DO anything that we want. Infact it doesn’t matter what we do - as long as I am with him, then thats all I need to keep that smile on my face.

 <3